The Question of Marriage

It is all around at the moment. It may be my age, perhaps it is just the time when couples who have been just that, a couple for a while find that maybe coupleness isn't for them any longer.

It seems as if I know an extraordinary number of couples who are either in the middle of a split, verge of divorce or who have just gotten a divorce. Right of passage some might say, nothing is forever some other may muse. I have noticed a trend in the relationship breaks of which I know.

I have heard the story of men living their life as normal as ever when one day it seems like out of no where their wife announces she is done, finished, wants him out. The poor guy stands there in shock. He wonders what happened to his happy fairytale life he thought he was living. Maybe it was not perfect, but he was happy - he wonders what happened.

Giving this some thought I have come up with some theories. Maybe today's late 30's early 40's women are experiencing midlife crisis in record numbers and looking for excitement. Maybe now that women are fully entrenched in what was once considered the man's world of corporate America they feel that they too are entitled to the little thing called midlife crisis where they walk away from responsibilities and into the arms of a younger man and a fancy sports car. But these women don't seem to be reaching for younger men and fancy cars. They seem to be reaching for older men who offer more stability or remain solo.

Then it occurred to me that maybe these women were just tired of being left holding the bag. Tired of the lies of society, the lies of the men they married. I'm not saying these men lied on purpose, but seriously, what promises were made and what is the reality. These are answers which may never been found because each individual case is different.

I know so many women who work full time, raise kids, do homework, cook dinner, attend extra-curricular activities, and find no time for themselves. When this becomes too much to bear, and it eventually will in all but the most perfect of wives they will have only one place to turn the blame and it is going to be the husband.

I'm not blaming men, I think it is the fault of women that they are so dependent. In our quest to become independent, we found out independence by making men dependent. If there was a happy medium happiness could possibly last for 70 years. I don't know what the secret to a lasting marriage is. I hope someday to be able to tell you as I traverse the water of matrimony myself, working now on my second decade in this union.

I have only been thinking about these issues lately because I know so many people going through the horror of divorce. I'm not personally and since I know one of my biggest fans is my husband I will say I'm not planning on it.

I just know one thing, don't think your wife is super woman, don't put too much on her and don't act like a baby when things don't go your way. Grow up, put on your big boy pants, notice her, appreciate her and do more than your part and then maybe, just maybe your marriage will last.

This blog is totally from a woman's perspective and there are always different perspectives on every issue and this is just one and it has nothing to do with me personally. I have seen a pattern around me and maybe I'm trying to figure it out so it does not happen to me.

I can say to husbands a few things. If you are tired, bet the bank your wife is twice as tired but she will still make sure the lights are off, the doors are locked and lunches are packed before she goes to bed. She is still waiting for the time the responsibilities of the house are optional. She is waiting for her carefree moments. You might not realize how much you depend on her to make things right and if you "feel" like it you might do what needs to be done. A family and a marriage is more than going to work each day - everyone does that and if you are not even doing that, you are lucky to be married at all!

Again I say, these are observations and that is all. Agree, don't agree. Maybe you have some ideas as to why so many women are abandoning ship after years of marriage. It is an interesting cultural study to me. Sorry I couldn't add sarcasm, I could have but it seemed harsh.